Letting Go - a discussion with eldest daughters

Recap of our April Virtual Social

This month, we centered our virtual discussion on “letting go.” Below are the journaling exercises we did and a few key points from our discussion.

You can join our May Virtual Social discussion on “enoughness” here:

Prompt 1.) What would you like to let go of? Brain dump everything on a piece of paper

Discussion Recap: The intention behind this exercise is to completely release everything that you feel may have been weighing on you or that you think would be better without. Many similar themes arose around wanting to let go of feeling the stress & responsibility for our siblings even though they may be adults already, feeling like we are not “enough” as we are (the inspiration for our next month’s discussion), and resentment for having so much put on our shoulders in comparison to everyone else.

Sherri’s Response: I shared that that main thing I am trying to let go of is expectations for my little sister. As someone who is much older (7 years) than her younger sibling, I have always felt that my mistakes and success were not solely mine. Mistakes have the trickle-down effect of “your little sister will copy you” (as said by my parents) and success also means paving the road for her to make her journey there much easier. These beliefs have been a lot of pressure and instilled an extra sense of responsibility. However, they have also come with me expecting my little sister to have a smoother ride to “success”, make choices that empower herself, and fall down because of mistakes less. These are all my expectations but that does not mean my little sister agrees with them or would even want them for herself. She is a completely different person with a different personality and her own outlook of what her “success” means. Letting go of these expectations will also help me let go of the stress that comes with it. Me “setting a good example” does not determine my younger sibling’s own individual journey.

Prompt 2.) What are you still holding on to that was never yours to carry?

Discussion Recap: Perfectionism, being the family therapist, and more. Eldest daughters carry a lot. One big sis brought up that she was holding on to physical things (ex.) a phone screen cleaner) she may or may not need out of the habit of feeling like she needs to be prepared of anything. A habit of self-reliance, per say. This also brought points of how our physical space and reflect our mental space and a is a reminder of the importance of taking care of both.

Sherri’s Response: I was never meant to be perfect yet I have always expected myself to be. Not being perfect felt like it had real consequences for not only myself but also my family. Who else was going to make her hardworking parents proud? Who else was going to figure everything out for her little sister? However, being perfect is fundamentally not human. Being human and fully understanding all that we are means that we will fumble. We will fall, make mistakes, and maybe go against the grain. I was never meant to carry the idea that being perfect was my job or even as something that was achievable.

Prompt 3.) Put yourself in the position of your younger sibling (or the youngest in the family) - what beliefs about your responsibilities/role would be different?

Discussion Recap: This was a hard one for many of us for different reasons. A point that came